Out of the mouths of babes...well this time just one babe.

Things to live by in my 3 year old's world.

Glow in the dark stars must be in every bedroom.

At our old house the people that lived there before put glow in the dark stick on stars to the ceilings of the bedrooms. Saige is still having problems sleeping in her own room, even after 2 months here. So we were in our bed one night and she said, "I don't like this house. I want the other one." Me "Saige this is our new house, it's ours now for forever. You are going to have to get used to it." Saige "But there is no stars." I deperately need to find some glow in the dark sticky stars.....

She likes her mama.

Micah asked her one evening if she liked her mama. She said "Yes, I like her. She's my girlfriend."

All cell phones need to be charged at night.

Getting ready for bed one night Saige gasped and asked Micah "DADDY where is your charger!"

If something smells nasty, it's Daddy's butt.

Saige started sniffing the air and she said, "What's that smell?" And Micah said he farted. She said, "Daddy, you need to take a shower and wash your butt!"

Crapazoid!

I was so trying to watch Grey's Anatomy last night. The girls and Bacon were playing and running around. Then with 10 minutes left, it was silent. I knew something was wrong. Gensen comes into the living room all panicy.

"Mom, Bacon just pooed on the floor and Olivia stepped in it!"

Now, if you know Olivia, if there was dog poo, or anykind of poo in a 20 mile radius that girl would step in it.

So I calmly go into the hall and there is turds there. I follow the grossed out sounds to my bedroom. There is shit EVERYWHERE! On my bed, flippin nasty!, on the carpet, scrunched up on the closet door. It looked like Vietnam with shit.

So I calmly get some toliet paper, in the process Gensen steps in it and freaks.

I get the biggest parts up and then get the Resolve. That stuff is my life saver. I am spraying and picking up clothes, I fling a sock and I didn't know there was poop on it and "SMACK" it hits the wall. Now the sock and shit are creapin down my wall.

At this point I am gettin quite pissed off. I have shit up to my eyeballs, Saige has toiliet paper trying to clean some. Olivia is still whining that she stepped in it, Gensen is scrubbing her foot, in my room(why, I don't ask why with that child), and I am still trying to figure out how in the hell shit got on my closet door and how I am going to get it out from under the door itself.

Finally I just yell to the older 2 to go to bed. I'm done. I had it.

So I finish cleaning the shit off of the wall, from under the door, as best as I could. (Glad I can't smell) And strip my bed.

Then Micah comes home. I tell him about it and then he said, "oh so you saw then where I threw up at last night."

"WHAT? It is 10:00 at night and you just now tell me you threw up in our ROOM!"

"Well I thought you would see it. "

So he shows me where he did it. It's clear, acidy stuff. I spray the hell out of that spot too.

Want some blood with that?

So, since we moved here to our new house, my vacuum is acting strange. The filters are getting all dirty really fast. So, after buying new filters, hoping that would majically solve the problem, it still is not working right. So I start investigating. I took it all apart, well best to my ability. And didn't see anything wrong. So I used it again, a dang penny flew up into the filter on top. Nothing is supposed to be there. That just isn't right. So I take it apart again, clean out the filters and start vacuuming again. Still not workin. By now I'm getting pretty mad. So I yank out the cup, and stick my hand up in it. That's the problem! I'm missing the plastic piece that goes up there! So I go to Wal-Mart thinkin they might have one. Nope. So I get on the website, nope. So I call the costumer service. I get the name of a dealer close to me, but I want to make sure that they have the piece.
So the wonderful lady comes on, I explain what I need, and she tells me it will be $1.02. Then she asks if I need filters or anything else. Nope done got some. I go ahead and ask her if the dealer close to me sells those. "No, I'm sorry, but they don't usually keep those in stock. We don't get that much demand for lost ones." Ok, so I'm an idiot that looses plastic pieces. So I give her my credit card number and she gives me a total. $8.52! "Um, so I'm paying like 7 times of what that thing cost in shippin?" "Yes, that is why I asked you if you wanted filters." Well shit!
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While I'm one here I'll let y'all know how graceful I am.
Last night Micah was down in the garage clean guns and bullets, getting ready for deer season. So I decided to grace him with my presence. I was wandering around, and noticed Gensen's skateboard. I looked at it and kicked it a little. I heard Micah say "Don't even try it, I've been drinking and I don't think Olivia will like driving to the ER." I stuck my tongue out at him and grabbed it. So I got on it, first time EVER. Oh I have been on one before, but it's been riding it down hill on my ass. So I get on it and I really don't know where to put my feet so I kick off and put the right one in front. Ok I think, this will work. I haven't fallin yet. So I do this a few times and I admit, I'm getting a little cocky. I look at Micah and say, "Look hun! I'm skating!" I take off, I go about 3 feet, ok I'm exaggerating a bit, might have been pushing 2, and all of the sudden I am flying! I actually have time to look around and see a horrified look on Micah's face, and then I hit the concrete floor, hard, on my left buttock. I hear 2 people totally loosing it laughing behind me. Olivia just happened to walk in and see me being a bird. I turn back around and scream "OW! MY ASS!" Micah says "I told..." I interrupted him and told him to shut up. Olivia is still in hysterics. I slowly make my way back up on my feet, and cussed out the skateboard. Now I have a nice purple and black bruise on my ass. I will never, ever step on a skateboard again.

New House

We finally bought our own house. Gosh! It's been crazy, I still have boxes to unpack, the playroom needs attention, and we got a beagle puppy, Bacon. Moving to a different town, different school district is wierd. I don't know anyone, the girls seem to be adjusting well. Saige is still askin about school. I quit my job, to far away to drive there everyday.

New Year's and stuff....

Well, it's been quite awhile since I've been here. I'm such a SLACKER!

The New Year has come and gone without much of a bang. We just stayed home and rang it in with a few friends. Micah got a bottle of wine. Bright idea, since we don't own a wine opener. So he used the one off of his swiss army knife, and it broke off in the cork. Chris and I were just laughin at him. Then the redneck inginuity came out and he got a screw and a screwdriver. Yep popped right off. That was pretty much our excitement for the night.

I have givin up on New Year's resolutions. Maybe. If I keep it, mine will be to get organized. I kinda have done that. I got rid of my baker's rack, which was packed with junk. It was so bad you had to tiptoe by it or something would come sailin off. I downsized to a teeny tiny cabinet. We will see how long that stays clean and neat.

I'm also thinkin about more Kami time. Actually taking time for me and doing for me. It's been a long time since I put Kami first. I'm a mess. I would love to look hot in a bikini this year, without my muffin tops hangin out all over. eww And I need to do something with *gasp* my wrinkles! I'm 31 and got wrinkles! So workin out and actually buying something for my face.....that shouldn't be tooo hard. Hopefully.

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Here's a little bit of somethings that have happened since I last posted.

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It was the opening weekend of deer season and we were all at my mom's. It was gettin late and we were headin home. When we get at home we realize that we left my niece's bag at my mom's. So I jump in the Durango and head back over there. On my way out of her house and to the Durango, I run. I am just flyin over the yard. (I have NO idea why I was running) All of the sudden I am hurled up into the air and land on the deer rack. (for those that don't know what that is, it's a HARD metal rack that is attached to the back of the truck/suv by the thing...I can't remember what that thing is called my mind just went blank and all I can think of is thing!) Anyway, I am in some severe PAIN! I get off of the rack and get in the Durango, which I can't push down the gas pedal cause it hurts so bad. So I coast home. So glad we only live a couple of blocks away and most of it is down hill. I go inside, barely make it up the stairs, and look at myself. When I was running I didn't see the rack and hit it with my right shin. Then apparently I vaulted forward and up and hit my other knee on the rack and then my hand and my ribs right below my boob. My shin is the worst. It's bloody and nasty and already bruisin.

Well, it's now been a couple of months and I have a hideous lookin scar on my shin and a dent where I hit the metal. Gross lookin. And it still hurts when I hit it. My mama should have named me Grace. heehee
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Ok I was going to write some more, but Micah should be home soon and I have done nothin since he's been gone. So I better get my booty off of here and go do some laundry, or some other crap. Heck, it's Sunday already....where did the weekend go?????

Stitches please...

It's Wednesday night. We need to go to Olivia's school to get an instrument for band. She picked the flute. I'm thinking Thank the Lord! that is one of the cheap ones. On the way there, Gensen, God love her, was bitchin cause she couldn't get one, Saige is cranky, tired and confused, well hell, I was too, and Olivia is yellin at everyone to stop. So this explains my state of mind, or lack of, when we get there.

So we make it too the band room, after several stops, Saige had to look at a locker, then run into the math room, then the science room, then the boys bathroom. I told Olivia to get her.

She hates me, I know she does.

So after several minutes of Olivia going in and coming out real fast, she finally gets the kid.

So we are in the band room, first ones there. That is surprising, we are always late. Well this nice man sits us down, well me and Olivia, I made Gensen play "what is Saige going to destroy?" So he asks Olivia what she was going to play. She told him and he brings the nice shiny flute and all the crap that goes with it over. Then he pulls out his shiny little calculator.

My heart starts beatin a little faster.

Then he shows me the renters contract.

My heart just explodes....

$715 for a FLUTE!!!! I've bought flippin CARS for that much!

So I think, ok this is an investment.

Then I see the interest......after paying for this baby, speakin of babies I didn't pay that much to have kids! We will have coughed up $964 and some change for this flute!

So with my hand shakin I write out a check for the first months rent and the book and the cleanin kit and the music stand. All the time I'm thinkin Micah is going to kill me...and what is soooooo flippin WRONG with choir!!!

So after herdin my precious children outta that damn place, I make a phone call to Micah.

"Hi, we just got Olivia's flute."

"That's good. What did it wind up being?"

hmmmm should I totally LIE or tell him the God aweful truth?

"Well, by the time we pay it off we could've paid rent and bought another car."

SILENCE

shit..."Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm just wondering what to hurt on you first."

"Well I didn't wanna to play the damn thing."

"You SIGNED for it!"

"Maybe I could find a cheaper one, and take this one back, he said something about 3 months, I think, my mind was kinda whirlin, like on that one ride that goes round and then the little car goes round with you in it."

"What? Just find a cheaper one."

So we make it home and Olivia immediately gets everything out. I'm yellin at her not to hurt it, treat it like a little baby, no treat it like your hair, no JUST TREAT IT LIKE I WILL SEVERELY HURT YOUR BODY IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THAT FLUTE!!!!!!!

"Gessh MOM I think I am responsible enough to take care of a flute, it's not that hard, and I can be careful, REALLY CAREFUL!!"

About that time she closes her music stand on Saige's finger...

Hence the stitches.

She actually didn't need them, but it was bleedin like a slaughtered hog. Blood was on her, me, the floor, the precious music stand, everywhere.

So after a frantic call to Micah saying that I'm rushin to the ER, I calmed down and looked at it real good. It was U shaped and not real deep. She just kept hittin it and makin it bleed more. And it was really bruised, bad. So she wouldn't keep a bandaid on it. So I got some of that handy glue stuff and that worked very well. Well, after I faught with a wigglin 2 year old to get it on.

And then I had to go stroke Olivia's ego....no you're not stupid, it was an accident, HELL NO you are not going to not play that flute! You WILL play it! I wanna hear it at my funeral damn it! And yours too! I wanna smile down from up there and say yes that was a very good investment I made, cause your kids will be playin it too!

Fireworks.
Saige HATES them. We were all at the park getting ready for the BIG show. Then swish, BOOM! She freaks OUT! Comes running for me and dives in my lap. So the rest of the time I am holding her head against my chest and the other hand against her ear. She is looking at me like I'm putting her through torture at Alcatraz.

We went to the lake this weekend. Yep more fuckin fireworks. I had to take her for a drive to put her to sleep every night and then judge when the damn things were goin to go off and run like a mad woman to the camper, to get her safely inside.
I hate fireworks too.

My hubby and his brother and the other goons we were down there with, decided to shoot off more fireworks one night. It was going fine til Micah tried to take out my cousin's $20,000 poontoon, and then thier camper. So he was done. Then Steve shoots one off and it goes up, hits a tree and explodes right by us. Showers of hot shit coming down. By gas tanks. Yip-flippin-yee. So I tell them to stop. We are just not meant to shoot off fireworks right now.
nope. they continue. dumbasses.
I'm not sure which one set the next one off. But it goes up comes down fast and lands on the neighbors roof. We are waiting in silence. Yep it goes the fuck off and then the roof starts smoking.
We done yet!?
Did I mention that I now hate fireworks?