Want some blood with that?

So, since we moved here to our new house, my vacuum is acting strange. The filters are getting all dirty really fast. So, after buying new filters, hoping that would majically solve the problem, it still is not working right. So I start investigating. I took it all apart, well best to my ability. And didn't see anything wrong. So I used it again, a dang penny flew up into the filter on top. Nothing is supposed to be there. That just isn't right. So I take it apart again, clean out the filters and start vacuuming again. Still not workin. By now I'm getting pretty mad. So I yank out the cup, and stick my hand up in it. That's the problem! I'm missing the plastic piece that goes up there! So I go to Wal-Mart thinkin they might have one. Nope. So I get on the website, nope. So I call the costumer service. I get the name of a dealer close to me, but I want to make sure that they have the piece.
So the wonderful lady comes on, I explain what I need, and she tells me it will be $1.02. Then she asks if I need filters or anything else. Nope done got some. I go ahead and ask her if the dealer close to me sells those. "No, I'm sorry, but they don't usually keep those in stock. We don't get that much demand for lost ones." Ok, so I'm an idiot that looses plastic pieces. So I give her my credit card number and she gives me a total. $8.52! "Um, so I'm paying like 7 times of what that thing cost in shippin?" "Yes, that is why I asked you if you wanted filters." Well shit!
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While I'm one here I'll let y'all know how graceful I am.
Last night Micah was down in the garage clean guns and bullets, getting ready for deer season. So I decided to grace him with my presence. I was wandering around, and noticed Gensen's skateboard. I looked at it and kicked it a little. I heard Micah say "Don't even try it, I've been drinking and I don't think Olivia will like driving to the ER." I stuck my tongue out at him and grabbed it. So I got on it, first time EVER. Oh I have been on one before, but it's been riding it down hill on my ass. So I get on it and I really don't know where to put my feet so I kick off and put the right one in front. Ok I think, this will work. I haven't fallin yet. So I do this a few times and I admit, I'm getting a little cocky. I look at Micah and say, "Look hun! I'm skating!" I take off, I go about 3 feet, ok I'm exaggerating a bit, might have been pushing 2, and all of the sudden I am flying! I actually have time to look around and see a horrified look on Micah's face, and then I hit the concrete floor, hard, on my left buttock. I hear 2 people totally loosing it laughing behind me. Olivia just happened to walk in and see me being a bird. I turn back around and scream "OW! MY ASS!" Micah says "I told..." I interrupted him and told him to shut up. Olivia is still in hysterics. I slowly make my way back up on my feet, and cussed out the skateboard. Now I have a nice purple and black bruise on my ass. I will never, ever step on a skateboard again.